i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
