Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
