respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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