i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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