Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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