You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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