Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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