Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
