she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The air was thick with penises
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
