I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?