she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.