Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2362) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1848) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic. http://tfl.nu/mbng
  Replies (5) Good night (684) Bad night (2660)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r
  Replies (42) Good night (5035) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1545) Bad night (5579)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9846) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/jfbz
  Replies (4) Good night (1140) Bad night (2679)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (8002) Bad night (1685)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today. http://tfl.nu/vn4s
  Replies (5) Good night (2097) Bad night (1423)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

  (416): View more from Toronto

  But that's half the fun of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29
  Replies (6) Good night (2485) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  He likes bondage and spanking and shit.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): He likes bondage and spanking and shit. (508): Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that. http://tfl.nu/4784
  Replies (9) Good night (3236) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
  Replies (13) Good night (666) Bad night (1676)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest. http://tfl.nu/z8nn
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more. http://tfl.nu/e0jy
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt. http://tfl.nu/aqol
  Replies (2) Good night (230) Bad night (385)

Randomize