we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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