I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday