She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.