she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
