I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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