you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
