Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
