:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
