She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
