i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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