I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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