So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
