i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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