i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
