she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
