dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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