omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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