Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
