Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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