Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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