Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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