I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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