Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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