you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dick very happy bro
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
