would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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