I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
