I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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