I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
