Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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