Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
