i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
