Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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