it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
