Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
