I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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