i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
can u get pink eye on your cock?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
