I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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