I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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