I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Couch. On fire.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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