When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i now understand why vodka
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
