I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
