went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just crazy horny about you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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