Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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