That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize