Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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