Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
