I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
