I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
