booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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