So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
